Communicating Boundaries: How to say no without saying no
- Sasha Louise Smith
- Feb 5
- 8 min read
Updated: May 24
When was the last time you said yes, when you really meant to say no?
Only to get that feeling in the pit of your stomach “why did I agree to that?!”
If you are a business owner, with people pleasing tendencies, but want to build healthier boundaries and stop the pattern of overcommitting yourself, this might be the blog for you.
The good news is, if you are here you already have awareness that this might be something you find challenging, which is actually a really positive thing because awareness is always the first step towards changing any kind of behaviour.
Even better is now you know it’s a thing, there are proactive steps we can take to help you get back on track, and keep those boundaries in check.
Here are some of the ways we can help make that happen.
Having pre-prepared “scripts”, templates and phrases that help you to maintain boundaries, even when you're caught in the moment.
Identify your own patterns that lead to crossing boundaries, over commitment and resentment, and how to avoid them in the future.
Learn how to reframe unhelpful beliefs, and thinking patterns that are keeping you stuck in a pattern of over-delivery.
If you are a service based business, you help people, it’s your job and I would imagine you’re probably pretty good at it. But, on the flipside if you help everyone, all of the time - there is always a risk of burning out and quickly running out of steam.
There could be a million and one reasons or scenario’s why you might need to say no to someone.
Maybe you are genuinely to busy
Maybe you have other things going on
Maybe you’re just having a bad day
Maybe a client is asking too much from you
Or maybe an enquiry comes in, and all of your spidey senses start tingling, and screaming at you to put the brakes on 🚩
But you just don’t know how to say no, without feeling flooded with guilt.
Why do I feel bad for setting boundaries in the first place?
There could be any number of reasons why you specifically find it hard to identify and hold boundaries, but here are a few of the most common reasons I hear from clients.
Fear of conflict or “pushback”
Not wanting to upset or let other people down
Feeling worried about bad reviews
Feeling guilty about not helping
Feeling empathetic to the situation someone is in
Not knowing what our boundaries are in the first place
If you need help identifying what your Boundaries are you can learn more about the 5 Personal Boundaries and how to set them (with examples) as a first step.
Another really common one I hear from clients is “If I don’t help them, then who will?” which can be especially hard if you don’t have working relationships with colleagues who share similar values, and ethics - which can lead you to feeling overly responsible to always be the one to help.
Which is a lot to hold on any one person’s shoulders.
The thing I think that is really important to share is, boundaries are one of the many skills we aren’t given early education on, which makes it no wonder why so many of us can find these things difficult as adults, in our businesses.
Boundaries, especially get a bit of a bad wrap, because sometimes we have been on the receiving end of someone else setting a boundary and remember the feeling as being unpleasant.
But, it is possible to learn how to set boundaries kindly, and to still help people where and when you can without compromising your wellbeing in the process.
Feeling like your client boundaries are slipping?
Download The Boundaries Toolkit a free, practical guide to help you spot the leaks, get clear on your Boundaries and begin to make changes that take care of you without impacting the high level of care and service you want to provide to your clients.
👉 [Grab it here]
6 Ways to say no without saying no (or feeling guilty)
Before I share some phrases to help you set boundaries I want to share this with you first. Getting better at setting and holding boundaries isn’t about saying no to everyone and everything.
In a lot of ways, it’s about saying yes.
Yes to protecting your time
Yes to protecting your emotions
Yes to not getting sucked into drama
Yes to doing more of what makes you happier
Remembering what you saying yes to can go some way to alleviating any guilt you may be feeling when saying no is required.
Here are 6 Examples of "boundaried" responses for incoming requests [and when to use them] that you can keep in your back pocket to help you in a pinch
The "red flag" enquiry - how to respond
Use this line when an enquiry comes in, but something is telling you that this isn't someone you want to work with [but you just don't know how to say no] A simple line of "I'm sorry, I can't help I'm at capacity at the moment" If this line feels too "blunt", you could soften it and say "Thank you for thinking of me, I'm really sorry but I can't help, I'm at capacity at the moment. You could try [insert trusted recommendation] or visit [blog, resource, association] who may be able to point you in the right direction. Remember - You don't need to justify or explain any further your reasons for not taking someone on as a client. It is okay to say no, as long as we do it kindly and professionally. It's better to send them elsewhere quickly, so that they can get help. Rather than avoid replying because we don't know what to say.
The outside of your scope of service request
Use this for when you get a request or an enquiry for a service you don't offer or a problem you don't want to solve. "Thank you for thinking of me, unfortunately this isn't something I can help you with personally but I can recommend [person, resource, blog]. I hope you manage to find someone who can help"
When you need time to think
This one can apply in so many situations, but you just can't quite decide if this is something you can help with, or have capacity to take on right now. Remember it is okay to ask for time to think, you don't have to make a decision right there and then.
You could reply with "Thank you for thinking of me, can I come back to you [when] once I have had time to give this some more thought?" It is important that if you say you will get back to this person, that you do follow up even if the answer ends up being no, sorry I can't help after all.
You want to help, but not right now
Use this for when someone asks you to do something that you could help with, and you might want to help with but not are not able to help right away. I would love to help, but right now I am prioritising [insert area of focus] until [when], if you are happy to wait until then I can fit you in, would that be okay? Again, if someone is asking for a non-urgent request but you are in the middle of focusing on something else. It is okay to tell them that. If they don't want to wait, that's okay.
Do you have 5 Minutes or can I pick your brains?
This one is a tricky one, especially when you might really want to help the person asking but your already in the middle of something. "Absolutely, I can't help right this second but how about [day], and [time] would that work?" This is really helpful when remembering that other peoples urgency, doesn't need to be your urgency. When people ask they generally aren't expecting you to drop what your doing and speak to them then. It is okay to say yes, but not just now.
Can we move our session?
If you work with clients in any capacity, we have all been in the situation where a client has asked to move a session, at the last minute. And it might put you in an uncomfortable position, between wanting to be flexible [or not wanting to upset them] but also genuinely not wanting to say yes, but unsure how to respond. The caveat here to this one is clients can only respect our boundaries if we have told them clearly what they are. If you haven't been clear or don't have terms and conditions it becomes much harder to stand firm. If you have made your boundaries clear you could say. "Hey client, Unfortunately this falls out with my cancelation/rescheduling window in my terms and conditions. I wish I could help, but it doesn't give me enough time to fill this space. We have two options though, if you don't want to miss out on this session and can make it work I will see you at x time as planned. If it's not do able, that's okay I will mark it as missed, and we can go ahead and book you in for your next session. Let me know what you would prefer. I know this can be a really uncomfortable one for a lot of people, but if people have agreed to your terms it is okay to remind them what they were and give them free choice to decide what they want to do. There may be times where you can be flexible, if so great. But if it would have a big impact on your day, it is okay to say no.
These are just some ways you could potentially respond, but remember to always adapt and personalise to the situation, your tonality and how you normally speak. I have purposefully kept the examples fairly generic so you can play around, and find your own language.
How to decide when to say no?
Knowing when to say no, and when to say yes can also be part of the challenge for people, but there are a few “filters” you can run your decision making through to help identify when something is a heck yes, vs a hell no.
Check in with your current capacity
We all wish we had more time, energy and headspace but learning to make decisions from where we are right now, can be helpful towards keeping those personal boundaries in check. Self Coaching Question | If I say yes, do I have the time and energy to take this on without adding additional/unwanted stress or pressure?
Check in with your current priorities
Self Coaching Question | If I say yes to this person, will it take me closer or further away from what feels important right now?
Check in with your gut instinct
Self Coaching Question | How do I feel about this situation?
Each of us have different preferences towards leaning towards logical decision making vs emotional decision making, it can be useful to try different approaches to see what feels most intuitive and supportive for you.
Top Tip - While you are finding your feet with your boundaries, it can be helpful to have an external prompt/reminder somewhere visual until things become more habitual. You might stick these questions on a post it note in your diary, or at your desk to help keep things at the forefront of your mind.
How to get more help
Identifying and setting boundaries in your business is just one part of the work I do with Coaching and Mentoring clients.
Together, we take a proactive, personalised approach to:
Reshaping your services, pricing and customer journey
Building systems that protect your time and energy
Making your business sustainable, profitable, and values-aligned
Whether you’re ready to dive deeper with Mentoring, or you’re just starting to explore these ideas on your own…
👉 You can download The Boundaries Toolkit here – a free guide to help you spot where your boundaries are being stretched and start making small, meaningful shifts.
👉 Or head to my Business Mentoring page to learn how we can work together 1:1.
You don’t have to keep pushing through. There’s another way to run your business and I’d love to show you what that could look like.
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